i need to get it off my chest

it's ten million degrees in nyc (both farenheit and celsius) and i just have all these things i want to shout to the world. i need to shout them, i need the weight of my thoughts off my shoulders. it's crazy, but the heat turns everything into the most animalistic thing you can imagine. it's all about instincts and survival. people want ac and i want ac and sex. that's all that matters these days.

excuse the randomness and disconnections of this post, but i really need to express these thoughts so that i don't waste any more time on them, i need to stop wandering off in my head and i need to focus in the right now (carpe diem, as the Romans would say):
i'm pretty sure the papacito was into me. i'm also pretty sure he didn't tell me he is with someone (even though the status of the relationship might be a bit unclear and volatile). i think he would like to hang out but the situation is actually too complicated. i think he got scared of actually maybe liking me, or maybe scared of me actually liking him. maybe he wasn't such a papacito after all, or maybe sometimes life can be too complicated. it's hard for me to understand with my heart because my life is so carefree (and i love that), but i can grasp it with my head. life is about timing, and patience is a virtue. i don't want or plan to be patient this time. i'm going to be smarter and i'm going to let it go. it's time for me to help myself. not only with this, but in general - avoid problems, my new mantra. am i disappointed? yes. is my life going to be worse because of it? never. and that's cool.

i just feel like saying - to all the things in life that don't go the way i'd like to: you can kiss my lioness ass. better things will come.