i think the reasons for this are:
- it's been such a long time since i haven't had sex that the idea of having a dick in my hand it's pretty scary. i don't even remember last time i gave someone a hand job. i wonder if i can still do it.
- i just didn't want this person to come just to have a shag - i need to hang out first. how would i feel afterwards otherwise? probably like a steak. do i want to feel like a steak? no. if you're here for a fuck you better hit the door.
- it's been such a long while that the idea of 'hot' sex feels overwhelming. i feel next time i am with someone i would much more prefer it to be 'nice' and 'cosey' and 'happy'.
for example, i like the idea of winter. it's cold outside and the guy is still in bed. last night was great. it was mellow loving sex. i'm in my underwear and a jumper. i get out of bed, put some thick woolen socks on, and i go to the kitchen make tea. i come back to my room with the teapot and two cups. i put them on the floor, get my book from the window seal, pour some tea in the cups, go back to bed with my tea and my book, kiss my lover on the shoulder, crawl up to him, stay there getting warm for a minute, starting to read my book, falling asleep again. waking up again, being together again, drink more tea, eventually go get some groceries, come back home, watch a movie. fall asleep and restart. winter wonderland.
if i went anywhere and hit it off with someone and things developed like this, it would be awesome. if this happens with someone i know, it would be awesome too. but i guess that's what i want? as opposed to 'we have three hours now, let's fuck and feel miserable afterwards'. i want to find someone with whom i instantly spend ten days non stop because we can't bare the thought of not hanging out together for a day.
i don't want empty sex. just give me love, i'll give you love too.
te banco
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